She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
