i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
