he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
