no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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