for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
