you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
