Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize