I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
