Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
