Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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