he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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