Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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