Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I forget how to act sober
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
