My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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