I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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