Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
