lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
