i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i think my cat just said my name.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You ate ashes out of my bong
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
