cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh god it's open bar.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
