Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
