mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All the doctor said was why
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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