I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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