I just saw a hot homeless man
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
