my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
