I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
