I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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