One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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