R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
