i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
