What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
