so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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