Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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