he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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