Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
