Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
