I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
