My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We have started to decorate penises.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
