Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize