I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
