Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize