thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
