Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
