omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
