we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize