I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
where are my eyebrows?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
