Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
