dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
