Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
