hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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