btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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