I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
