I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize