wakey wakey hands off snakey
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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