I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
