I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
