I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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