I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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