I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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