Hey man sorry I got all grabby
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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