So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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