Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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