A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
