It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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