Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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