there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
