I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
