Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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