I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize