Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
