This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
