dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
