I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize