i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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