Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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